Vulnerability and How I Overcame Fear
As you may or may not know, I shattered my big toe in Australia while filming a documentary with Leo about the incredible things Jesus has done for me. When in the doctor’s office back in San Diego, where we now live, I was told by the podiatrist to start walking without my air cast boot. It had now been 11 weeks without ever bearing weight on my injury or walking unassisted without my cast. The doctor in his office didn’t help me take my first steps. He merely told me what I was to do and went out the door. There was no personal service, no helping me, just these instructions to go home and walk without my boot, juggling between the pain and putting it back on until I could walk unassisted without it and my cane. And the whole idea was daunting.
As I squeezed my oversized foot into my sandshoe, trying to stretch the laces as far as possible to make it less painful, tears welled, and I knew I was emotionally weak. I was scared! And physically tired from wearing the boot for so long. And now, this new direction I needed to face. I felt vulnerable without the protection of my air boot cast and tried to see into the future and what lay ahead of me to full recovery.
As Leo watched, offering support, and I stood for the first time, it reminded me of when I first came home after Jesus had delivered me from demon-possession. Jesus had kept me safe at a holiday resort with cabins and a caravan park from the people who had done this to me. At the resort, Jesus taught me His gospel and how to be strong in Him before filling me with His Holy Spirit and leading me back home to live on our property where all this horror had happened. It had been extremely daunting, this new direction without the protection of the resort and haven where Jesus had acted so powerfully. It was a bit like this boot – it had allowed me to keep functioning, protecting my injury so I could heal.
As I stood in my sandshoes and as Leo cheered me on, I knew I wasn’t alone like when I had returned home, taking my first steps unguarded by the resort to trust in the healing and knowledge Jesus had granted. He was here now to help me in this new direction and unknown weeks ahead to full recovery. Jesus was here in my frail body and insecurities and weakness to be strong.
The following day, I spent my whole day in my sandshoes before resting and putting my foot up for the evening. My recovery will be slow, learning to walk again and hopefully without pain. But so was returning home after such a horrendous ordeal and learning to live there with courage and faith.
But the most important thing is to know where our help comes from and to cry out and receive that help. Once I did not have the mercy of God. But now I am found and have experienced God’s great love and compassion in Christ Jesus. I need to walk worthy of what I have received every day and with that understanding. Jesus died so we could be friends and know Him and live with Him forever in paradise!
Vulnerability and fear can meet us in any situation where the unknown is the future. But Christ helps us through these battles. Remember the past and His previous victories, and the steps forward will be restful.
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